


i feel insane

by zhuchengcheng



Series: share your flaws with me, don't let go [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun is Whipped, Lee Taeyong is Whipped, M/M, NCT Ensemble - Freeform, Swearing, and jaehyun really really loves taeyong, and taeyong just gets sad sometimes, i swear this isn't THAT much of a sad fic, nobody knows that taeyong and jaehyun are together, some themes of depression, taeyong just needs a lot of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 10:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20526425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zhuchengcheng/pseuds/zhuchengcheng
Summary: whatever jaehyun wanted taeyong would give. he'd give, give, and give until there was nothing left of him. but that wouldn't happen, jaehyun won't allow it.( aka pure moments of jaeyong being sweet to each other.)





	i feel insane

**Author's Note:**

> i might've cried a little while writing this.. also, listen surrender by natalie taylor and in my head by peter manos. surrender really fits the overall feel of the fic and i listened on repeat while writing. anyways, enjoy this mess of a oneshot that i wrote while i was sad.

jaehyun’s always there

on somedays, taeyong just felt cold. 

numb, sad, lost, lonely. but then he thinks of jaehyun. sweet, loving jaehyun. _his_jaehyun. the person he'd always come back to. his home. so taeyong's not completely lonely. just on days when jaehyun wasn't around, or when taeyong's by himself, he can't control his thoughts. yes, he's loved by the millions of their fans who he loves with no doubt, but he can't help just needing more. 

he doesn't remember the last time he felt like this. he's been so busy with promotions and shootings that he hasn't had time to himself (is that a good or bad thing?). he misses jaehyun. taeyong hasn't seen his boyfriend (more like his rock, the glue that basically is the only thing holding him together) in days. well, they do see each other now and then, they live together for goodness sake. but with their schedules, they've had no time to even interact once. and taeyong needs it so bad. 

he feels like he's going insane. cooped up in his mind, slowly losing himself and falling apart. taeyong looks up at the night sky from where he's standing on the roof of their hotel building. they're in new york right now. it all seems kind of crazy. how far they've made it. they can barely roam the streets without getting recognized. and it just adds to the list of things taeyong has to worry about. 

right now taeyong just needs. he doesn't know what, but he needs. 

"hey, i finally found you." he turns around swiftly to see jaehyun. standing there and smiling at him like he always does, making taeyong's heart dance a bit and distinguishing the fire that's going on in his own mind. "i missed you, but i couldn't find you anywhere." 

jaehyun walks up to him, joining taeyong with his back against the ledge. "it's cold, why aren't you inside?" as he talks taeyong can see the fog come out of his mouth. taeyong's wearing nothing but a longsleeve, but he's numb to the cold by now. "yong? i missed you a lot." _i know_, taeyong wants to say, but no words come out of his mouth. 

jaehyun turns to him fully this time and looks at taeyong with a knowing look. "c'mere." he opens his arms-still inside his jacket-and smiles warmly at taeyong. taeyong feels naked. bare. he does each time jaehyun looks at him. jaehyun knows taeyong, inside out. he can read even the smallest moves. it's like he specializes in reading taeyong's heart or something. taeyong still opens up every time though. 

he walks limply over to jaehyun, his saving grace, his world. straight into his arms. jaehyun closes the jacket as much as he can around the both of them and sighs, putting his head on top of taeyongs. he suddenly feels the urge to cry. taeyong lets out a deep sigh. he didn't know how good it felt to just, breathe. "iloveyou." 

jaehyun hums. "i love you too yong. so so much." taeyong cuddles deeper into jaehyun's neck and he's pretty sure jaehyun can feel him trembling. "you're so strong hyung, you do so _so_ much for all of us. the best leader, the best. i"m so proud of you baby." taeyong might cry-wait scratch that. taeyong's going to cry. oh-he's already crying. 

and as if jaehyun sensed it coming, he pulls back and looks down at taeyong. holding taeyong's face with his palms, "i love you." jaehyun kisses his cheeks and wipes the tears that have escaped taeyong's eyes. "let's get back inside hyung, you're freezing." taeyong won't let go. he just hides back in jaehyun's jacket and savors the warmth for a few more seconds. jaehyun doesn't complain, just understands and kisses his head again, mumbling more sweet praises that get carried away by the cold air. 

x

taeyong’s infatuated

taeyong was good for a few more days. 

"jaehyun." he was sat on the couch on his laptop with headphones in. taeyong tried again. "jaehyun." finally, he looked up, pulling out the wire and stopping what he was doing. jaehyun hummed and met taeyong's eyes. 

they looked at each other for a few seconds before jaehyun broke the silence. "are you just going to stare at me?" he laughed, but continued to gaze at taeyong, who was looking at him upside down from the bed. "jaehyun, i love you. i don't know what i'd do without you." 

jaehyun didn't look shocked or surprised, just setting his laptop aside and going up to taeyong, giving him a kiss. as he pulled away he had a soft look in his eyes. "you know i love you too yong." and of course taeyong knew. he _knows_ jaehyun loves him, he had no doubt about it. it's in the way jaehyun cares for him, takes care of him, his whole being showed it. and there's no way that taeyong's heart and soul could hide it either. if soulmates existed, jaehyun and taeyong would be the exact word itself. jaehyun and taeyong. taeyong and jaehyun. he can't imagine life without jaehyun, he'd probably be in a worse state right now. 

"what's got you thinking so hard?" jaehyun's voice breaks him out of his thoughts. 

"the usual, you know, my boyfriend. always taking up all the space in my mind." 

jaehyun laughs his pretty laugh and just shakes his head. "i don't know what i'm going to do with you." taeyong rolls over on his stomach and blinks up at him. "hm, kiss me again?" and like always, jaehyun complies. 

x

it’s their secret

none of the members seem to know that taeyong and jaehyun are dating. 

mark has his suspicions though. everyone likes to think that mark isn't as perceptive, but he's always there. he can be quiet at times, but he's always observing. their group is close, they all love each other, but taeyong and jaehyun just seem to be even closer, loving each other in a different type of love. mark doesn't mind it, he thinks it's sweet that they have each other, he just wishes that they can be more open about it so they wouldn't have to sneak around everyone else (but little does mark know that they're not sneaking around, they're as open as they can be. it's the members who can't seem to figure it out. besides mark of course). it's always mark who catches them in those moments. the shared hidden moments that they have together, where they're in their own little world. 

take now for example. it's early in the morning and they're in the kitchen together, softly exchanging words and touches here and there. it's pretty domestic if you say so. but to any other person it might seem normal. and it is, for taeyong and jaehyun at least. mark sits at the dining table and none of them have seemed to notice his presence there yet. so he sits, quietly observing. he watches as jaehyun flimsily drops the fork he was using to mix whatever was in his bowl and watches as taeyong quietly picks it up, washing it and scolding jaehyun in a soft way. mark also watches as jaehyun blushes when taeyong caresses his cheek with the back of his hand. if mark felt a little jealous he wouldn't admit it, because at the end of the day he knows he has someone to love too. so mark slips out quietly, leaving unnoticed and going back into his room, crawling back into bed with the person he loves, that he knows loves him too.

**Author's Note:**

> this was a really short oneshot also don't be mad i said this wasn't REALLY a sad fic,,,,,  
also totally unrelated but ninepercent disbands in a few hours and i’m totally devastated 
> 
> as always, give me feedback on:  
*•. my socials:  
twitter: joonieswrId  
instagram: namjoonskisses  
tumblr: joonskisses .•*


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